I'm qualified because I'm an alcoholic. My last drink
was nearly seven years ago. I've done a lot of studying
on it as well. I do have a masters degree in psychology
and a doctorate in counseling, but my primary qualification
is that I'm a drunk.
I knew I was an alcoholic for years before I quit drinking.
Denial wasn't my issue. But, I couldn't imagine life
without alcohol. I was afraid if I sought help, I'd
lose my career. At the same time, I knew alcohol did
damage to my body, but only had vague notions as to
what that was. Turned out, I didn't know much at all.
Once I had my last drink, my
detoxing was very hard. Harder than most, it seems.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I had
cirrhosis, or liver cancer, or was going to have a heart
attack or go into DTs. I'm going to try to answer some
of those questions for you so you can give Google a
rest.
Are
you trying to sell me something? Are you trying to save
my soul?
Absolutely not on both counts. I build and maintain websites
for my schools and my family. My server accounts allows
for five websites. I had an empty slot. I decided to use
my experience at getting better to provide some information
and, perhaps, inspiration for others to get better, too.
That's it.
Am
I an alcoholic?
If you're asking the question, you probably are. The fact
is, normal people (i.e. nonalcoholics) don't sit around
wondering if they're alcoholics. They just don't.
The odds are that you're asking the question because
something like one of these things happened: these things
probably rings true:
You said you weren't going to
drink last night, but you did anyway.
You said you were going to have
a beer or two and before you knew it, you had six.
Once again, you woke up this
morning feeling deep regret for something you did
or said last night.
You woke up in this morning and
had to go look for your car.
Try as you might, there's a large part of last night
that you just can't remember.
You woke up in jail after being
charged with a DUI. This may be the first one you've
gotten, but you know it wasn't the first time you've
been driving drunk.
And so on.
My wife is not an alcoholic. On occasion, she'll drink
some wine. She enjoys it. It relaxes her. After finishing
one normal glass of it, she might pour another. About
halfway through that one, she's had enough. She's ready
to feel normal again. She seldom finishes the second
glass. When I drink alcohol, I don't get tired of the
feeling it provides like my wife does. I don't want
to lose it. I keep drinking, even when a large part
of me doesn't' want to. If you're more like me than
my wife, you're an alcoholic. The label doesn't really
matter, though. You know the answer. And, it's simple
to test it out. Don't drink alcohol for a few months.
If you can do that with no problem, and be happy doing
it, you're probably not an alcoholic. Or, better yet,
drink one standard drink a day. (Standard drink: 1.5
ounces of liquor, 12 ounces of beer, 2 to 5 ounces of
wine.) If you can have one drink a day and be happy,
you're probably okay.
But,
I can't be an alcoholic. Aren't alcoholics grungy guys
who live under bridges, have no teeth, and smell bad?
Hey, I'm an alcoholic! Some alcoholics drink daily,
some binge on weekends. Some drink only now and then,
but when they do, they can't stop. I was all three at
one time or another, but during the last twenty years
of my drinking, I drank a pint a night of vodka. I also
was among the first to arrive at my school each morning,
where I work as a high school counselor. I was a respected,
hard working, responsible, family man. That didn't make
me any less of an alcoholic and didn't make me any less
miserable. It also didn't keep alcohol from almost killing
me.
The short answer is: Yes, you can be an alcoholic and
be that grungy guy under the bridge, but you can also
be a preacher, lawyer, or a Sunday school teacher. Since
I"ve been sober, I've seen all of them. When it
comes to our inability to keep from drinking alcohol,
we're all the same.
Aren't
alcoholics weak willed?
Here in the 21st century, are there people who still
think this? Yes, there are. And, no amount of talk will
change their minds. But, if you're an alcoholic and
want to quit drinking, your odds of success are about
zero if you think you can "will" yourself
out of alcoholism. Have you ever had a bad case of diarrhea?
As you were running for the toilet, could you stop and
"will" yourself to wait for a while? No? Does
that mean you're "weak willed"? No, it doesn't.
Most professional believe alcoholism is a disease. It
has all the disease characteristics: It's chronic, progressive,
and fatal. But, whether it really is a disease or not,
doesn't matter. What matters is the experience of millions
of alcoholics with the same report: The compulsion to
drink could not be aborted by will power. And, some
of these people were the most powerful in the world
in all other areas of their lives.
I
can't imagine life without alcohol. How can you stand
it?
I know exactly how you feel. That's one of the things
that kept me from seeking help with my drinking for
years. I couldn't fathom facing entire evenings without
drinking. How could I enjoy ball games? One of my biggest
fears was thoughts of going to the beach without alcohol.
Even when I hated drinking, though I still did it, I
loved drinking at the beach. (More
about the beach.) How could I go to sleep without
alcohol? How could I endure a middle school band concert
without having a buzz to get me though it?
Here's the good news. Not only can I stand not drinking
alcohol, it's glorius. It took a while after my last
drink, but I sleep better than I ever have now. While
alcohol puts you to sleep, it's crummy sleep. Now I
sleep good sleep. Ballgames are a whole lot more fun,
and here's the good part: I remember them. Man, I thought
life would be impossible. It's not and that's the testimony
of every recovering alcoholic I know, and there have
been hundreds of them.
Can
I quit drinking on my own?
I'm going to say no, you can't. Others will argue with
me on that and we'll get to that in a minute. I will
say that you can pause your drinking without help. Stop
for a while. But, if you want to stay quit, your odds
are pretty much zero if you try to do it by yourself.
That comes from my experience and the experience of
hundreds of recovering alcoholics I know.
Early in my daily drinking career, I went to a couple
of counselors because I was concerned. At that time,
drinking wasn't messing up my life much, but I was worried
about the health consequences. One counselor told me
I needed to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Then she said
this, "I've only known one alcoholic who quit drinking
on her own." Zipity Doo Dah, that's all I needed
to hear. I knew that if it was possible for one person
to quit drinking on his or her own, I was that person.
I left the office relieved. Twenty years later, I noticed
that I hadn't gotten around to quitting on my own yet.
The fact was, I couldn't.
I figured out why I couldn't quit on my own when I
was in treatment. I was at home at night after my second
day in the the treatment center. While sitting on my
back porch, I realized that my problem wasn't the second,
third, or fourth drink. I always thought that if I could
just stop drinking after one or two, I'd be OK. I made
all sorts of efforts to do that. I bought little bottles.
I used jiggers. All sorts of things. None worked. That
night, I came to fully realize that my problem was the
first drink, not the second. Somehow, I had to figure
out how to not take the first drink of alcohol. What
I've learned is that I cannot keep from taking that
first drink by myself. I tried to do that for years.
Even decades. I failed. Just couldn't do it. Sometimes
I could put the first drink off. I might even go a day
or two if I had to for some reason. One time I went
six months. But, sooner rather than later, I would take
that first drink no matter what promises or efforts
I made. I had to get help from somebody to keep from
taking that first drink. After seven years, I still
do. Based on observing hundreds of alcoholics, I'm not
alone.
Do
I have to go into treatment?
Not necessarily. I've known a lot of alcoholics who
have quit without treatment. Most went to Alcoholics
Anonymous. Some did it with the help of a counselor
alone, though that's unusual. Most counselors send alcoholic
clients to AA. Some received help from Smart Recovery®,
Rational Recovery, and other programs.
But, you must hear this: Detoxing
from alcohol can be dangerous. It can be fatal. I know
from experience. I detoxed by myself for two weeks before
going into a treatment center. When I finally did go
in, I still had signs indicating I was in danger of
experiencing delirium tremens (DTs). About 30% of people
who have DTs die. If nothing else, had I gone to receive
medical help, the process would have been easier and
quicker. I didn't until I was desperate because I was
afraid of losing my job. That was dumb.
So, going to treatment provides an opportunity for
a safer and quicker withdrawal from alcohol. It also
gives you a jump start on recovery. If you begin to
have physical reactions to not drinking beyond some
nervousness and mild sleeplessness, go get medical help.
I'm
afraid I have cirrhosis. How do I know if I do or not.
If I do, am I going to die?
Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. Among the recovering
alcoholics I know, especially new ones, that is a common
fear. For me, "fear" is too mild. I was terrified.
Read about it here.
During the two weeks that I tried to detox on my own,
I spent about a zillion and a half hours on the Internet,
squinting through pained eyes, trying to decide if I
had it or not. I'm not a physician so don't diagnose
yourself using anything I say. But, I think you might
find it useful and save some time if I tell you some
things I learned.
Alcohol causes damage to the liver. In an attempt
to repair itself, scars are formed. Extensive scarring
causes the liver to stop functioning as it should.
When that happens, it's called cirrhosis. The liver
is critical for staying alive. When it quits functioning,
you die.
The reported percentages of alcoholics who develop
cirrhosis differs among resources, but the most common
numbers are between 20% and 30%. Great news, right?
The majority of alcoholics don't get it. But, if you're
one of the unlucky ones, it really sucks. Another
fact is that the amount of alcohol consumption that
leads to cirrhosis varies as well. Generally, it's
said to be caused by "heavy" drinking. (Heavy
generally means something like more than four standard
drinks a day. Standard drinks: 1.5 ounces of liquor,
12 ounces of beer, 2 to 5 ounces of wine). However,
some people develop cirrhosis with as little as two
to three drinks a day.
The symptoms of cirrhosis are weight loss, having
a fluid filled abdomen that pokes out, easy bruising,
turning yellow (jaundice) and some other stuff. A
few years before my last drink, I read about "liver
palms." Liver palms are red and are a sign of
liver disease. I spent the next few years looking
at my palms on a regular basis. They seemed reddish
to me. So, I looked at cirrhosis symptoms. I didn't
seem to have those. Unfortunately, I didn't read past
the symptoms themselves. When I did that while detoxing,
I discovered that if you have all those symptoms,
you're approaching the end stage of cirrhosis. While
it's developing, it has few, if any, symptoms. So,
I spent hours pulling my eyelids down looking to see
if I was turning yellow. Since I've been sober, I've
met several recovering alcoholics who experienced
jaundice. Based on their testimony, I was wasting
my time. When you turn yellow, you turn yellow. You
look like a banana. Apparently, it's not something
you have to ponder.
Cirrhosis is not reversible. If you do have cirrhosis,
the treatment is to stop drinking so the progress
will slow. (If you stop drinking while you still have
its predecessor, fatty liver, the condition can be
reversed.) As you approach end stage cirrhosis, liver
transplant will be considered. To be put on the list,
you have to have more than six months of verifiable
sobriety and successfully complete a treatment program.
That's before you're put on the list. Livers are hard
to come by, so after you're put on the list, there
is generally a bunch of people ahead of you. There's
a real good chance cirrhosis will kill you before
it's your turn for a liver.
Big deal: If you're afraid
you have cirrhosis, don't sit around being anxious
about it. Go to a doctor for a blood test. If your
liver enzymes are normal, you probably don't have
it.
Will
I ever be able to drink alcohol again?
No. Not if you're an alcoholic. There are a few people
who sell books and draw people to their websites who
disagree. Fine. Try drinking again. I hope you survive.
I know from my experience that if I drink any alcohol,
I begin craving again. Idon't drink alcoholically right
away, but I will be right back in that hellacious place
again and it will be sooner rather than later.
Here's the neat thing, if you use
the tools to change the way you react to life, eventually
you won't want to drink again. In fact, your obsession
to drink alcohol will flip flop and you'll have an obsession
not to drink. If you do drink again, you might be able
to control it for a while, but an alcoholic will invariably,
and fairly quickly, return to their normal drinking
pattern — which is to say they will once again
drink a lot.
This is where we can take something from Alcoholics
Anonymous. AA folks use the slogan "One day at
a time" a lot. You don't have to think about not
drinking again forever. You just need to decide not
to drink today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. It
works.
What
am I risking if I keep drinking?
Your
risk is high. While I know it doesn't do
much good, I would feel compelled to be sure you understand
the danger you're in. During the last seven years, I've
known far more people who've died than I'd known in
the previous 51 years, and I was almost one of them.
Because I drank daily for so long, my bone marrow began
to misfunction That caused my big red blood cells to
enlarge. If I had kept drinking, that leads to dementia
and death. I stopped in time. Barely.
Since my last drink, I've gotten
to know a lot of alcoholics. Many of them didn't stay
sober. Many of them died. I'll share some stories. I'd
tell you about the 26-year-old attractive, college educated,
successful businesswoman who left a party, went home
(probably in a blackout), passed out on her couch, and
drowned in her vomit. I'll tell you about a 32-year-old
construction supervisor who started drinking again after
years of sobriety. Brilliant guy. After getting drunk,
he decided to drink liquid morpheme. That killed him.
I'd say I could go on and on, but I'll stop. Despite
the fact that you probably won't use those people's
experience as motivation to gain the willingness to
do whatever it takes to quit drinking, I'll give it
a shot anyway. At least I tried.
I
think I've figured out how to quit drinking. Do you
want to hear I think about how to quit drinking?
Sure, if you've been successful for a while. But, to
be perfectly honest, if you have theories about how
to stop drinking, but are still drinking, or you're
not drinking, but are miserable, I don't have a lot
of interest in hearing your theories. If you're here
because you've tried to quit drinking but couldn't,
I suggest that you need to listen for a while instead
of talking. If not to me, than somebody with long term
sobriety. Don't listen to one individual. Get to know
a lot of alcoholics who have been sober for a while.
Try out different programs. When you hear something
over and over from a lot of the successful ones, it's
be a real good idea to do what they say even if you
don't agree.
Do
you have recommendations for the program I should use
to help me stop drinking and keep me sober?
No. The
key to what works is what works. There are
a number of different systems and programs to help you
stop drinking alcohol. You need one of them because
if you're an alcoholic, you can't keep from taking the
first drink by yourself. Do some research and pick one
to try. Now, use some commons sense, here. Any whackdoodle
out there can create a website. Look for verifiable
success stories. If you've done your research and tried
a program and you're still drinking and you're still
miserable, try something else.But,
listen up! This is a big deal: Whatever
program you choose to help you stop drinking, you can't
pick and choose what you will or won't do and expect
to be successful. If you fail to follow directions,
and you keep drinking, don't blame the program. Look
in the mirror for that.
If you want to contact me,
I'll tell you what my experience as been.
I'm
sick and tired of being sick and tired? When will I
start feeling better?
When I was a few weeks away from
my last drink, I heard an alcoholic say, "When
you've been walking into the woods for years, you won't
walk back out in a day?" Patience is critical.
If you don't drink and you do the things you need to
do to react to life differently, you'll get better and
better. The first think you'll notice is that you'll
feel better physically. It takes a while to fully recover
from the damage you've done to your organs and nervous
symptom, but some things will get better right away.
If you keep following the one day at a time axiom, the
length of time won't matter. You'll come to appreciate
how much better each day is, even if you're not yet
where you want to be.
