 Among
all the things I did wrong for so long, denial wasn’t
among them. I made few
serious efforts to quit drinking, smoking, overeating, and
start exercising. However, I did quit drinking alcohol and
smoking cigarettes for about six months each during the mid
nineties. I know now that a major reason for failure back
then was that I tried to do it by myself. OK, let’s
be even more honest: I deliberately didn’t tell anybody
I’d quit. Pat knew about my efforts, but that was it.
Why did I keep it secret? It’s not hard to see now –
I wanted an escape hatch. Despite my addictions, I did have
a sense of pride and spreading the word that I’d quit
would make it harder to start again. Didn’t want that.
I was avoiding the “A”
word. Accountability. Accountability is critical for my
success in getting better. Maybe you’re different.
Maybe you can quit all by yourself and be happy doing it.
If that’s true, good for you. Based on what I’ve
seen, though, most folks are like me. I need some buddies
to report to. I need somebody to call when temptation’s
banging on my door. I need people I’ve come to trust
to check my thinking from time to time. Absent all that,
I’d be right back at it. I know because I’ve
been there.
At some point during the two weeks I
was detoxing from alcohol at home and was terrified that
I had cirrhosis, and knew I never wanted to drink alcohol
again, I decided I needed to tell the world I was an alcoholic.
I sent an Email to my principal telling him I wanted to
go to a faculty meeting and tell them I was an alcoholic.
He didn’t think that was a good idea. My colleagues
didn’t think that was a good idea either.
My desire to tell the world wasn’t
deterred by my coworkers’ opinions, but I was too
sick to act on my desire then. I entered a treatment center
before returning to work, and that gave me a chance to ask
the experts. I was surprised when Joe, one of the center’s
counselors, agreed with the others. “It’s best
not to lead with your chin,” he said.
And, they were all correct. There is
no way I could be successful making changes by myself, but
I needed to be prudent as well. My principal said he envisioned
the faculty meeting and saying, “Now, next on the
agenda is Ed, the alcoholic, who’s been sober for
three whole days.” The faculty did find out
about my alcoholism, but it came out slowly in appropriate
circumstances.
But, I still needed my buddies. I have
alcohol buddies, cigarette buddies, food buddies, and exercise
buddies. When I’m facing surgery and the possibility
of taking pain medication, I frame that up with my alcohol
buddies. Pat gets the pills and I don’t know where
they are. I spend time talking to my cigarette buddies about
how the cravings still pop up seven years after my last
nicotine fix. I know Dr. Johnson’s going to see my
lipid numbers every few months. When I don’t feel
like running, I think about the newbie I’m mentoring.
Find some buddies. Be accountable.
Go to Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers, a running club,
or whatever. Join an online group. If you engage in self-service
accountability, the odds are great that you will self-serve
yourself right back to where you were.
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